I am at what feels like a precipice.
i have known for a long time that i work too much. i don't mean "work" i mean Lindy "go go go go go go go go then go some more!" In the roles of my life i am a
mother first and foremost.
wife
teacher
photographer
business owner/women (this alone is like 10 different things)
homemaker (again ten more things)
Christian
I could keep listing but the point of this rant is that i feel so isolated. I am successful in my business ~ in fact i cant keep up with the demand for my work ~ my son loves me and i love him. I try my best to keep my home clean and a place that the spirit of God can preside in. I should be bursting with fruit flavor right? Where is my starburst?
I don't want to say that i am feeling a depression but maybe i am? I am just too tired to be depressed! lol
Each of the things that i listed are close to if not two full time jobs! and i am just lost in them. all the things that i listed are things that i provide or do for others. where did i go? I feel like the song by the counting crows 'have you seen me lately' just sort of buried under my responsibilities.
last week i read a novel till 5am because this other world i was in was fantastic and free ~ then i was a horrible mom all day! it was such a miserable attempt to enjoy me time! is there me time?
i am almost wanting to quit, run away for a few weeks. (with cooper of course) but i know that this fragile world that i live in would disappear if i stop. I want to have a hobby. I want to have friends that call me to "hang out". I want to have friends and family that can watch cooper so i can date my husband.
what a complainer right? ugh. feel pretty alone. and buried. where did i go?
I have a motto pinned up by my computer that reads
"I am not the sum of my responsibilities. I am not a photographer, or a statistic, or a constitutionalist, or anything other people think i am. I am REAL. I am TRUE. i am ALIVE. and right now i am taking a moment to remember that and BREATHE."
I read that daily and then think..."sigh, wonder when that will Feel real."
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
balancing me
Posted by Lindy Lue at 8:54 PM
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4 comments:
Hey Girl!!!!! I know you are beyond busy, i semi know how you feel:) you gotta give yourself and least 1 day to just you and your family (I think)! haha Easy to say right?!!!! Allow God to give you the balance you need! Even it that means telling people NO! Which I know you aren't good at;) Luv ya:)
say NO to everyone but Jon and Cooper and Lindy. I could say so much about being CLEAR with yourself, about LOVING yourself and Jon and Cooper, about LAUGHING more, about LETTING IT GO, about BREATHING, about SURRENDERING, about PRIORITIZING...about about about-
I thought photography IS your hobby? I'm confused. Take a deep breath- go get a massage and know that you are loved and needed and appreciated. Your boys need you. Just get clear and you'll be alright.
Peace to you.
I finally had to drop things and say, "I am going to do this for me!" Well it lasted 2 weeks and I realized it wasn't the right time to start being a part of a singing group :o( BUT it was a fun 2 weeks ;o). Cooper will have to come hang so you guys can go out...I know how important date night is cause when we don't date we are at each other's throats (Chris & I). I don't hang out with many either...I stopped calling people and have become pretty recluse...I hate being recluse ;o). Hopefully the house we are buying goes through this month & we can be in a bigger place & start inviting people over again! I need to learn from others to throw game night parties...Anywho I miss you ;o)
hey, just wanted you to know, I feel this way all too often, mostly because I am a mother of 4 busy girls, but, Lindy..... I think of you often, and I long for the opportunity to be a friend to you! There is so much of you that rubbed off on me and made me who I am today! So, THANKS! You are always in my heart. I hope you find some peace!
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