balancing me

I am at what feels like a precipice.

i have known for a long time that i work too much. i don't mean "work" i mean Lindy "go go go go go go go go then go some more!" In the roles of my life i am a

mother first and foremost.
wife
teacher
photographer
business owner/women (this alone is like 10 different things)
homemaker (again ten more things)
Christian


I could keep listing but the point of this rant is that i feel so isolated. I am successful in my business ~ in fact i cant keep up with the demand for my work ~ my son loves me and i love him. I try my best to keep my home clean and a place that the spirit of God can preside in. I should be bursting with fruit flavor right? Where is my starburst?

I don't want to say that i am feeling a depression but maybe i am? I am just too tired to be depressed! lol

Each of the things that i listed are close to if not two full time jobs! and i am just lost in them. all the things that i listed are things that i provide or do for others. where did i go? I feel like the song by the counting crows 'have you seen me lately' just sort of buried under my responsibilities.

last week i read a novel till 5am because this other world i was in was fantastic and free ~ then i was a horrible mom all day! it was such a miserable attempt to enjoy me time! is there me time?

i am almost wanting to quit, run away for a few weeks. (with cooper of course) but i know that this fragile world that i live in would disappear if i stop. I want to have a hobby. I want to have friends that call me to "hang out". I want to have friends and family that can watch cooper so i can date my husband.

what a complainer right? ugh. feel pretty alone. and buried. where did i go?

I have a motto pinned up by my computer that reads

"I am not the sum of my responsibilities. I am not a photographer, or a statistic, or a constitutionalist, or anything other people think i am. I am REAL. I am TRUE. i am ALIVE. and right now i am taking a moment to remember that and BREATHE."

I read that daily and then think..."sigh, wonder when that will Feel real."

cooper cracks me up!!!!!!

he said a few things the other day....enjoy!

we heard him wake up from his nap and rushed into his room and climbed in his bed one of us on each side and he yelled "ONE AT A TIME, ONE AT A TIME!!!!"

at the pool i helped him put his swim cap on and got my hands stuck and said "help cooper my hands are stuck under your cap!" and he said"well, it looks like your swimming with me!"

rafting the river with my mom i said"why do humans have hair on their toes?" mom says"i don't" Jon then asks her if she is a human...cooper says "yeah, are you a dog Grammy?"

he is getting so smart and so witty! and i LOVE his sarcasm! (much to his other grandmas dismay) we are a sarcastic bunch!

at dinner he spits some food in conversation and i tell him he just shot some food out..."cus my mouth is like a gun!"

then i use his straw and blow bubbles and said "oops, i put the straw in upside down!" and turned it over and sipped it, "thats better" he stares at it and then picks it up, turns the straw over again, drinks, and then says "mom, this thing works both ways" all knowingly

rad. rad. rad.